An Open Letter To Hecklers
Why I Believe God has a Special Place in Hell Carved Out for Those Who Heckle Comedians
There have always been Hecklers at comedy shows, but recently you've grown both in numbers and in intensity. You have a sense of purpose, a conviction, and a confidence that you really shouldn't have.
It doesn't help that simply yelling at Louis Ck to "Pull his dick out" get's you an interview with Vice. (Thanks a lot Vice, you're not helping) Yelling at a comedian during a comedy show doesn't make you a hero, it makes you an asshole whose sole purpose is to ruin everyone else's time by jerking off your virtue signaling justice boner in our faces. It's kind of hard to have a good time when you're covered in Social Justice Jizz.
Tough lives breed comedians
I understand that you're offended by jokes, but please allow me to explain something to you. A lot of us comics have been through extremely hard times. Have you seen a recent picture of Artie Lange? If that’s not what pain looks like I don’t know what is. We've been Raped, had loved ones that were killed, parents that weren't there or were abusive. We developed our sense of humor as a way of coping with pain. We would get together with other kids in similar situations and just make horrific jokes about what we were going through. After growing up doing that for years, jokes about Facebook don't quite do it for us. It's like how after a person gets into really kinky BDSM sex it's hard to go back to Missionary vanilla. Or how a person who's been using heroin for years can't cure a headache with Tylenol. We need Rape jokes because we were raped. We need 9/11 jokes because our family and friends died on 9/11. If we didn’t laugh about these things we’d be suicidal or abusive towards others. Humor is the healthiest way of dealing with bad situations
Heckling inside the club isn’t enough for you sometimes and you take it to the streets with protest signs. I feel like there must be some better things out there for you to protest other than a comedy club whose sole purpose is to make people HAPPY! What’s next on your list, Ice Cream Parlors? Water Parks?
Via Vanity Fair
It's a comedy club, not a sitcom writers room
But, you're not even satisfied with heckling us on stage and on the streets before we go on. Now, you've taken to policing our content days before we even get to the stage. Why don't you just write the jokes for us? Would that make you happy? Every fucking joke. Just write the whole Goddamn thing. Email me my next set please: firstname.lastname@example.org
It's a comedy club, not a WWE ring
I recently witnessed a comedian being physically assaulted after his back and forth with some hecklers. (Video Below) The police came and the entire situation was beyond ridiculous. What the hell are you trying to do to comedy? Seriously, Is this what you want? Fist fights over jokes?
Mark Random vs hecklers
Maybe just stay home and watch Netflix
I get that you've had a happy life full of loving parents, snuggles, and vanilla jokes and I understand that the things we say can sometimes hurt your feelings. But, please recognize how incredibly fortunate you are to be in the position to be offended by jokes. Many of us are too hardened by life to get hurt by words. And, yes, I'll gladly accept the onslaught of inevitable horrific jokes at my expense that I'll receive after writing this article. I've seen hundreds of internet comments about how ugly and talentless I am. I'm ok with that. All I ask is that you keep your fucking mouth closed when I'm on stage and let me be ugly, unfunny, and talentless in peace. Save that shit for reddit where it belongs.
Lastly, the next time you’re thirsty for comedian tears, stay away from the Comedy Clubs and meditate on the video below, appropriately Starring Mark RanDoM (the comic who was assaulted in the above video) And, subscribe to #whokilledcomedy on youtube for an upcoming documentary series featuring him.